Kapeesh Saraf

Engineering -fascination. JEE preparation. Underestimate competition. Failure, dismay and dejection. COEP-last choice institution. Lack of elation. 6 months-isolation. Depression. Lack of direction. Teenage infatuation. Indifferent reaction. Confidence erosion. Normalization. Club formation. Officious administration. Frustration. Dogged dedication. Grand vision. Patchy realization. Difference of opinion. Resignation. Everlasting love relation? Immoral accusation. Shame and depression. New Venture formation. Evangelization. Successful- recognition. Limitations-realization. Interest deterioration. New quarry – instant attraction. Summer flirtation. Positive reaction. Above my league -self underestimation. Hope evaporation. Determination . Affirmation. Jubilation. Rapturous preoccupation. Yet another project application. Selection. ATV creation. Victory -Bacchanalian celebration. Career confusion. MS application. Await admits – trepidation. Dream admission. Admiration & Speculation. Satisfaction. Hold celebration -long way to destination. Still going strong. Extrapolation?

(Inspired from here.)

If all goes as planned, then come September 2008, I will begin studies at Stanford University towards pursuing an MS Degree in Management Science & Engineering. Studying at Stanford and living in California and the Silicon Valley have been on my list of “Things to do before I die” for a few years. Naturally, I am quite excited and look forward to the experience.

Stanford is a great brand name and an education there (or any other place of repute) is an insurance policy of sorts. There is a tendency among students at prestigious schools – IITs, IIMs, Harvard, MIT & Stanford among others- to use the brand name as a crutch; using the institute brand and the fact that they made it through the punishing admissions routine as a substitute for real academic rigour and achievement. In only 2 weeks, I have myself been tempted to do this on a few occasions. This however owes itself mostly to the euphoria of making the cut. I hope I’m able to enhance my abilities and skill-sets at Stanford rather than turn into a cripple needing permanent support from a crutch.

I have also been worrying myself silly over the tremendous cost of a Stanford education without financial aid. The 2 years will be spent in near penury. I will soon be joining the ranks of the PIGS* -Poor Indian Graduate Students

“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.”

-Robert Heinlein

No, learning to change diapers or pitch manure aren’t on my list of skills to learn (yet), but you get the drift.

Sigh.

At a job interview with a large IT MNC (800 pound gorilla type) as part of our campus placement process I was asked the following question-

“What is your aim in life?”

I started off-

“my aim in life is …”

(Silence)

Scratch chin…

(Silence)

Pull facial hair….

(Silence)

Adjust tie…

(a minute goes by)

“You have no aim in life?”

“Uh…ma’am.. I do…just a minute…( I can’t seem to remember it )”

(another minute goes by in scratching chin, adjusting tie, adjusting.)

“Ma’am, my aim in life is to become a middle level manager in a BIG IT company like yours!”

I experienced one of those rare moments that effortlessly blend relief with absolute WTFish disbelief- so surprised I was by what I’d just said.

The interviewer, nevertheless, continued to corner me with questions like “What motivates you?” , “Why do you want to work for this company?” and “Dude, you have absolutely no clue. Are you a frigging loser?”

I couldn’t answer any of those questions with surety, not even the last one.

To my utter disbelief, I didn’t get the job. 80 others did.

On a more serious note, do I have any sort of aim in life?

Well, kind-of. But its not one with which I can hope to ever secure a job.

Several companies are lined up for campus placement next week, companies I covet, and as I contemplate the inevitable question-“Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?” – I have no answer, not even for myself. Very vaguely, its something along the lines of trying to expose myself to a lot of randomness and hoping that I get obscenely rich somehow.

Like I said, I don’t expect to get a job anytime soon.